I’ve been reading a very interesting book called: “Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships.” It goes into some detail around the science of orgasm, most importantly the aftereffects of having an orgasm.
Being involved in Male Chastity and Orgasm Denial I’m quite aware of the after effects of an orgasm on the male psyche. Having read the book I have a much clearer picture as to why we suffer from an “orgasm hangover.” The neurochemicals involved are explained in quite some detail.
What was much more interesting though is that women aren’t immune to this… Something I think the keyholders out there, subscribing to idea of as many orgasms as possible, should perhaps take note of and read the book…
Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to blog about role reversing (to a certain extent) in our current femdom sex play.
I have poked around on their website (Marnia?) and it seems intriguing. But I have not read the book.
But denying her orgasm? I don't think I would enjoy that. I get so much satisfaction from her pleasure.
My Queen exhibits some of the male post orgasm symptoms. She gets very tired and wants to just fall asleep. She seems to lose interest in me; she is clearly on the verge of sleep and if she does touch me, it's half-hearted. Basically, once she comes, sex is over. She is capable of multiple orgasms but only wants one.
I am curious: what do "they" recommend as far as orgasm goes? It seems like they were proponents of physical penetration but no orgasms at all.
My understanding is that both males and females suffer some form of orgasm hangover. Medical evidence seem to support this theory as per the research handled in the book. What I'm not clear about and something reading the book hasn't answered for me is how severe the female vs. male hangover is. Surely some must experience it more intensely than others?
ReplyDeleteFrom my wife's point of view, after experimenting, she has reported that she felt some of the effects associated with the orgasm hangover but, as far as I am concerned those effects can be very well managed by a caring and attentive husband.
My personal take is that, there is no free lunch. Orgasm kicks certain things into motion and there is nothing we can do about it. But, by ensuring that there is bonding after orgasm those effects are soon resolved.
It seems to me that a woman, enjoying orgasms and who is supported by a man that is denied orgasm (I'm assuming willingly) do dovetail very nicely in that after her orgasm he naturally tends to provide the "balm" for the emotions she experiences. If we go out to party we take two Panado's before we go to bed to manage the hangover. Now that we understand the mechanics of orgasm in both of us much better our Panados is even more love and attention for her in the days after orgasm.
As far as what "they" propose... That's a tricky one as I don't want to speak for them but after reading the book and some comments on their forums the way one is supposed to make love is very calm (nothing wrong with that but I don't want it like that all the time). Bonding behavior over any reproductive behavior. Also, they do spend a lot of time dealing with sexual addiction so, some of what they propose I cannot but feel is geared towards people who cannot experience "normal" orgasms. Just as an alcoholic cannot have a glass of wine without going haywire so too a sex addict cannot have sex without putting them back into their addictive cycle.
Still, I do think that it is worthwhile for women to experiment with the effects orgasm has on them. Don't have it for two weeks and then feel how having one affects them. In our case the effect seems to be noticeable (now that we know what to look out for) but in the end negligible (because I know exactly what she needs afterwards - bonding, confirmation of our love etc.)
Orgasm Denial for my wife in the same way I am denied? Ever? Uh-uh. No way.
If you focus on it, you will probably feel something, just as you may feel something after eating a piece of chocolate cake or watching a good movie.
ReplyDeleteBut are any minor changes that you can only notice if you concentrate hard really relevant?
Our current orgasm frequency (for both myself and my husband) is about once per week. And I haven't noticed any significant orgasm side-effects on either of us, let alone any effects that would indicate we should decrease the frequency even further.
For several years I was not able to reach orgasm with my husband. During that time, I sometimes didn't have an orgasm for several weeks (my masturbation frequency varied).
I don't recall any noticeable effects of these masturbation orgasms, even if they took place after longer intervals, but I do recall being frustrated because I could not reach orgasm with René. And I remember how happy I was when I had my first cunnilingus orgasm again. - The effects on me were very positive. I don't recall any "hangover". And I have never noticed any detrimental effects of orgasms on René either. (With the one exception that the availability of masturbation orgasms may have been one of the causes why he had lost interest in having sex with me.)
So, to cut a long story short: If neither partner notices any "hangover" effects on themselves or their partner in normal, everyday life, then chances are that any effects they might find if they intently look for them are so small that they can be safely ignored.
It seems it's as I thought. Some people feel it, some not so much and for some it's a non-issue. Tamara, you are also very right about focusing on something causing one to feel things that one may not be conscious of.
ReplyDeleteFor us, I think the end result will be that while all the science is very interesting, the experimenting will probably result in us enjoying orgasms (or not in my case ;) as per usual.